To Soup With Love

I’m very fond of soup. So fond, in fact, that I sometimes invent new soup to get me through those times when traditional options are unavailable. The other night I answered the call of necessary invention with a good old-fashioned empty-out-the-fridge soup de jour.

I heated up some broth in a big pot on the stove and threw in a happy anarchy of ingredients. Tiger shrimp. Sauerkraut. Bow-tie pasta. Artichoke hearts. I named it “Lizzie’s Leftover Lullaby,” not in honor of anyone I know named Lizzie, but because I liked the way “Lizzie” sounded with “Leftover Lullaby.” LLL, as I now lovingly refer to it, turned out to be a deeply rewarding culinary experience that was good to the last slurp.


The great thing about soup, of course, is its endless and inspirational variety.

Italian Wedding Soup, without the Italians or the wedding, is as festive and time-efficient an invention as we’re likely to encounter in this or any other lifetime. The mini-meatballs are a stroke of genius, as is the spectacle of small pieces of spinach swimming cautiously through the broth to avoid painful confrontations with the larger carrots, pasta and meaty boulders.  

Another classic contribution by the Italians to soup’s rich history is Minestrone, which offers an impressive one-two punch of hearty flavor and wholesome nutrition. With its zesty veggies and tender beans in a lush tomato broth seasoned with Italian herbs and Parmesan cheese, Minestrone really delivers that “big soup” experience. Its greatest achievement, however, may well be its success in building a loyal following of fans young and old in spite of an aroma that’s oddly reminiscent of the smelly armpits of an active adult male. (Almost every time someone asks me if I’m “making Minestrone” I realize I’m badly in need of a shower.)

The power of Pea Soup – the soup that made my brother Bob tremble and cry throughout our childhood – still overwhelms me at times with its tangy crudeness and mysterious ability to suck crackers down into its marshy depths.

At the opposite end of the comfort zone is Vegetable Soup, scoring points in its quiet, cozy way with a remarkably accommodating nature. Like carrots, corn and lima beans? Throw them in. Have a taste for green beans and potatoes? Look out below! Feel the need for tomatoes and zucchini? You’re the boss. Vegetable Soup’s “the more the merrier” hospitality even makes room on occasion for all 26 letters of the English alphabet in tiny noodle form. Can you spell “good sport”?  

It would be a sin to let any philosophical sizing up of soup pass without a grateful salute to that age-old king of all soups -- Chicken Noodle. Renowned for its therapeutic qualities, Chicken Noodle Soup is now healing the sick in 37 countries and has even been credited with raising the dead in Haiti, the Philippines and Equatorial Guinea. Take that French Onion! Don’t quit your day job Clam Chowder!

Of course not all soups can be winners. Unpopular varieties that fell short of fame and fortune include:

Fisherman’s Bait & Barley

Thai-Style Hair & Ham

Acid Rain & Rice

Jay Lentil

Gypsy Pork & Pickin’s

Iguana Gumbo

Cedar Chip ‘N Chicken

Three Sneeze Pepper Leek

Cream of Muskrat

H&R Bisque

Rusty Broth & Bacon

Yo Yo Matzo Ball

Savory Tsunami

Dead Plant Stems & Pieces

Chunky Irish Tenor

“I could live on soup,” my father periodically points out, as if to put me on notice that he might suddenly withdraw from mainstream society and join some souptarian sect of survivalists on a farm in upstate New York. Fresh, farm-made soup 24/7. Anyone else ready to live the dream?

When I don’t have time to create something fresh from scratch, I like to open a can of store-bought goodness and take the shortest route to soupy utopia. Last night it was Turkey Tomato Rice and Beans with enough sodium to stagger a moose. It was the silliest thing, I suppose, but it was so good going down, my wife and I raised our spoons toward the ceiling and broke into a battle cry worthy of a major sporting event:
 

SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

 SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

SOUP

SOUPITY-SOUP-SOUP-SOUP

SOOOOOOUP!!!!!!

If your life feels shallow and unsatisfying, I suggest a simple plan for stirring up some excitement: open can, heat, enjoy with grill cheese. It doesn’t get much better than that.