The Twelve Days of Christmas

(Based On A Christmas List By Alan Williamson)

 

On the first day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

A 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the second day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the third day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Five... fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Six singing lessons,

Five... fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Seven pounds of Starbucks,

Six singing lessons,

Five... fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Eight wines from Napa,

Seven pounds of Starbucks,

Six singing lessons,

Five... fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Nine nights in Naples,

Eight wines from Napa,

Seven pounds of Starbucks,

Six singing lessons,

Five ...fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Ten robotic butlers,

Nine nights in Naples,

Eight wines from Napa,

Seven pounds of Starbucks,

Six singing lessons,

Five... fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Eleven labradoodles,

Ten robotic butlers,

Nine nights in Naples,

Eight wines from Napa,

Seven pounds of Starbucks,

Six singing lessons,

Five... fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Twelve Hawaiian print shirts,

Eleven labradoodles,

Ten robotic butlers,

Nine nights in Naples,

Eight wines from Napa,

Seven pounds of Starbucks,

Six singing lessons,

Five... fiber... optic... chimpanzees,

Four lobster claws,

Three tanks of gas,

Two talks with God,

And a 62 inch HDTV.

 

The Best Buy Speakers Bureau: Where Talk Is Cheap

Thornton "Buck" Bradley has been called "the quintessential keynote speaker" by Keynote Quarterly as well as "one guy with the gift of gab" by Talk Magazine. Bradley has earned a reputation for speaking eloquently in front of large crowds at business functions without prior knowledge of the function's purpose or the makeup of his audience.

A high school graduate, licensed microphone operator, and subscriber to various periodicals, he has a knack for winning over audiences by addressing them frequently as "a fine group of buckeroos" and limiting his speeches to exactly 11 minutes.

Mr. Bradley lives in Red Bank, New Jersey with his imaginary wife Brie and some canned goods.

Don't Just Sit There

There you are. I see you sitting there in your comfy chair, in your air conditioned room, with your fancy digital devices and your empty box of Mr. WaffleHuffle breakfast waffles now with real cranberry. Life is pretty sweet, right? Well, don’t be so sure, waffle breath.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news – you better sit down for this – but it turns out sitting is bad for you. Sorry to dupe you into sitting just now; I mean you no harm. In fact, I urge you to please rise, because the more you sit, health experts say, the worse things get.

Spend too much of each day sitting, and you could get critically fat, have a heart attack and even die. And then there are the dangers of second hand sitting, with your motionless mass causing major hardship and hazard to those who have to maneuver around you to turn lamps on and off, water plants, or dial 9-1-1.