JUDGE: Please state your name and complaint before this court.
AW: My name is Alan Williamson and I’m seeking damages for pain and suffering against the speed bump that attacked me and my Ford Mustang on the morning of January 21.
JUDGE: Is the accused speed bump present in this courtroom?
AW: Oh yeah, he’s standing over there in full view, unlike the morning he was playing crouching tiger, hidden dragon in the middle of the road.
JUDGE: Broward County speed bump # 237853-G, please identify yourself.
SPEED BUMP: I’m here your honor, which means the street I’m assigned to protect is currently at the mercy of reckless, whiny, self-absorbed motorists like Mr. Williamson.
AW: Your honor, I object to the name calling. I could have called him “Bump-a-Lula Boy” but I held back.
JUDGE: Objection sustained. I’ll do the name calling in this court room. Okay Whiny Why Me, describe what happened on the day in question.
