Juice Up Your Life With Jack LaLanne

Jack LaLanne's "Crazy Old Coot" Anti-Aging Plan:

 Feeling old before your time? Try Jack's daily regimen of

• 900 sit-ups
• 500 pushups
• An ice cold shower (or swim in a frigid lake)
• A mango/rotisserie chicken smoothie before bed

(Crazy? Like a fox.)

Walk This Way

If your walk takes you into wooded areas or any other uneven terrain, take extra care to notice things in your path that might cause you to trip and fall.These obstructions may include such stumbling blocks as rocks, ruts, tree roots, discarded trash, or, on rare occasions, the slumbering, foul-smelling carcass of rocker/outdoorsman Ted Nugent.

New Year's Resolutions: 50 Day Update

At 50 days into 2010, the New Year's resolutions I made last December now strike me as a to-do list created by someone who doesn't know me very well and has NO RIGHT to tell me how to live my life.

Who's with me on this?

My Social Media Pledge

I will use the power of social media to unite, enlighten and inspire people in search of greater meaning and purpose in life.

I will also provide timely updates on when I'm getting my car washed, buying yogurt, growing facial hair, or thinking of throwing out old running shoes.

Garage Sale Survival Tip # 38

Partner With Other People to Diversify Your Inventory. No matter how convinced you are that the bounty of treasures crammed in your closets will add up to garage sale gold, pooling your resources with others is your best strategy for keeping the crowd from becoming surly and demanding access to the rest of the house.

And trust me: The last thing you want to happen is to be sitting in front of a card table an hour into the sale with nothing left except a napkin holder, an autographed picture of Wynona Judd and a jasmine-scented gel candle. That's a tough gig.

Hot, Hot, Hot

In my experience with spicy food there are five levels of hotness. They are, in ascending order:

5) Zesty

4) Zippy

3) Zingy

2) Hot

1) Aaaaaiiiieeee!!!!

Peace, Love, Suction

For mankind

to survive,

the human family

must live as one,

and take turns

with the vacuuming.

- Anonymous (ok, me)

Let Us Pray

Would love to hear this at a church service:

"We must pray not only for our loved ones,

but for the loved ones of those we consider scum."

Trampoline Found Alive!

During these tense few days, I, along with the rest of America, held my breath as the agonizing disappearance of the Gilbertsville, Pennsylvania trampoline dragged on. The two tireless and courageous young women (my cousins Joi and Pei) who fought the severest of weather to rescue the trampoline from a snowy grave have my profound respect and admiration.

It is young people like them who restore my faith in this country's future - a future where trampolines that have lost their way and have no voice to scream for help in the wilderness may have faith that they will be searched for, found, revived and (when the weather warms up) repeatedly jumped on.

God bless Joi and Pei. God bless the trampoline. God bless us all.

No Love for Lactose

Confession: I'm not just lactose intolerant - I'm lactose hostile.

Invite lactose and me to the same party and it could get ugly. What's my problem? Believe me, you don't want to hear the gory details. Let's just say that lactose started it . . . unprovoked I might add. The worst part is, my old friend ice cream is now an enemy, too. Thanks a lot, lactose. Happy now?