The Picture Show

I'm not a big fan of referring to motion pictures as "movies." Let's get back to calling them "motion pictures," or even better, "the picture show" as in "Good afternoon Henrietta, would you like to go to the picture show with me in my gas-powered motor vehicle?"

The Good Lord Willing

Give yourself some wiggle room when people ask you to do something by ending your answer with the phrase "the good lord willing." Observe . . .

Q: Will you have that report ready by Friday?

A: I expect to, the good lord willing.

Q: Are you bringing chicken wings to the party?

A: That's my plan, the good lord willing.

Q: When will I get back that $200 I loaned you?

A: Not in this lifetime, the good lord willing.

We Interrupt Twilight for a Word on Werewolves

Nothing against Twilight, but I'd be much more excited about a series of books and movies about werewolves. In fact, I'd like to be a werewolf. The thought of not showering or shaving for weeks on end and having everyone too afraid to call me on it appeals to me on some raw, primeval level.

Plus, unlike vampires who go about their business pretty quietly, I'd get to throw my head back whenever I get the urge and go "Aw, Aw - Awwwooooo!!" (I tried it the other day in Costco and an elderly food sample server named "Millie" gave me all her sausage puffs.) 

Big Thoughts, Small Pleasures

To get the most out of life, I will follow a two-prong approach of thinking big thoughts, but relishing small pleasures.

Big Thought: I must build a body of work that will reach across time and space and enrich people's lives long after I'm gone.

Small pleasure: Mmmmm, sweet potato fries.

When the Going Gets Tough

When the going gets tough . . .

the tough get really, really drunk, get into a brawl or a car crash, then have their mug shot plastered all over the Internet, the newspapers and the 11 o'clock news.

(This isn't as catchy as "when the going gets tough, the tough get going," but I like its gritty, in-your-face realism.)